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Community Pt. 2 - Margo Farwell (Transparency)

 

One thing that I have come to treasure the most through this experience of living with Darin and Heather is transparency.  In order for us to live together and enjoy it, and not just survive it, we have to display a level of vulnerability with one another.  Being transparent means that we don’t just see the fun, likeable parts of each other, we see everything.  You can’t hide those personal struggles you’d rather didn’t exist.

I believe this was crucial to David and I growing in our marriage and as a family.  Darin and Heather have one of the best marriages that we have seen.  Inviting them into our lives on a daily basis allowed them to really see where we were as a couple.  We could have simply seen a marriage counselor and that would have been a good thing, but when you have another couple that sees your every move, they really know where you are.  They have helped us work through a number of issues that had eaten away at our marriage because we have all been willing to be transparent.  

But we all know that it is not enough to simply be transparent; it must be done under the pretense of love.  Because I know that Heather loves me, I want to share my fears, my hopes, my failures.  I want her to ask me difficult questions and I want to listen to what she thinks about a situation.  I trust her because I love her and I know that she loves me.

We are created for community.  This is part of being created in the image of God.  And if God, our creator lives in community as Father, Son, and Spirit, how much more do we need community?  And living in community doesn’t mean simply living together, it means doing life together and at the heart of this is transparency.

If you find that your relationships lack depth...

• Are you willing to take a risk and be transparent with others?  
• Are you willing to create a relationship based on God’s love where others feel safe in their transparency with you?  

Love freely and from that transparency will flow.

Community Pt. 1 - Darin Martin (Selflessness)

 

I suppose I chose to compose a prose to disclose and diagnose for those of us in juxtapose the grandiose idea of selflessness because of my bellicose spirit that arose to oppose it. (RESPECT IT!)

Two families of four… two men who are heads of their own families, two wives who are heads of a shared home, a 5 year old boy, two three year old girls and an 11 month old boy who’s primary method of communication is crying… all in a 1,600 sqft home.  In the US this scenario is virtually unheard of, and in the rest of the world this would either be considered fairly normal or good living.

When we made the decision for our two families to live together we all felt that if we couldn’t make this work, ain’t nobody could make this work, and though there have been some tense and stressful times we’ve made it work.

There are many decisions an individual needs to make for themselves in order to make a situation like this one work.  I have chosen to share on the necessity of choosing selflessness… because this is where I have struggled the most.

“It is my house after all” is the thought that kept ramming its way to the forefront of my mind.  My mouth promised equality on all things in the household because I knew it was right, yet internally I struggled (it is my house after all!)  Why shouldn’t my preferences be honored above the rest?!  I could describe further the deep pit that is selfishness, but there’s no need.  We all know where selfishness leads us… or rather where it doesn’t lead us.

Jesus would have none of it.  My problem is that I saw my house as MY house.  What if Jesus were physically present in our house?  Would I still see it as mine?  I think not.  I think I would be much more prone to want to be like Him and choose to honor others… give preference to others… love others more than myself.  LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF; isn’t that what He said?  Isn’t that a true sign of community?

I have much to learn still.  I have good days where I really feel blessed to have David and Margo living with us, and I have bad days where I’d rather live out in the shed behind my house just to get some peace and quiet!  This has been hard for me, translated, this has been good for me.  I think too highly of myself and not highly enough of others – the way Jesus would want me to.

To honor Jesus… 

To follow His ways… 

To be covered by the dust of my Rabbi.

That’s what I want for my life.  Thank you Jesus for this opportunity to make me more like You.

I pray that those of you reading this would take a moment to look Jesus in the face, eye to eye, and stay there for a while.  Then, after you’ve had that special moment with our Lord, ask Him – ONLY IF YOU ARE WILLING TO BE CHANGED INTO HIS LIKENESS – ask Him to show you one area where you need to remove your ‘ish’ and turn it into ‘less’.

Lessons In Community - Five Valuable Insights

 

For the past seven months, our family has been the recipient of ultimate genrosity as Darin and Heather Martin have opened their home to share with us. What started out as a temporary arrangement has turned into an incredible experience with both its joys and strains.  Through it all, I cannot begin to express how much God has revealed to each of us.  

Over the next several days, each of us will be posting what we believe to be our greatest lesson to date as well as insight from Ashleigh, our oldest daughter, about her greatest lesson in community while being in Wilmington, DE with Mission Year.

As you read, keep this one thing in mind: God has called us to live in peace with those in our lives and all around us.  Don't just read and forget.  Think deeply.  Ask God to give you opportunities to learn these lessons in your life as well.

Stay tuned.

The Story - Final Chapter

I have really struggled to finish this particular section of my blog.  Reason being, this story will never really end.  I will spend the rest of my life learning to be the husband that brings God to life as I love Margo.  I will spend the rest of my life learning to be the best representation of a perfect God to my children.

And I will never get it right. There will always be failures, and therefore lessons.  

A very good friend of mine, Darin, recently said, "when you get squeezed, the stuff that comes out is what you're made of".  Well said Darin.  As Margo and I have been "squeezed" through this process, I am delighted to say that most of what came out was Jesus.  As this process of healing and restoration has continued, more and more of Jesus is what is being brought to the surface.  I am not going to get real "churchy" here, but allow me to state a very simple truth:

As a child of God, your life has no other purpose than to produce the image of Jesus Christ.

Recently, I have been reflecting on a particular verse from Scripture. I haven't been able to let it go. There is something in the midst of this verse that has grabbed tight on to me.

"For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God".          2Cor. 5:21 (ESV)

Take notice of something... he made him to BE sin...

• not an offering for sin
• not a substitute for sin
• not a representation of our sin
• not figurative in any way

He became your sin.  Better put, he became you on that cross.  And he became me too. "Be" as in the verb.  As in the act of being.  As in ownership.

This is foundational when it comes to our spouse and children.  Here's why...

Your spouse and your children are not perfect, and they never will be.  And for each imperfection, Jesus became that on the cross for them.  He took on our sin nature.  HE BECAME YOUR SIN! The beauty of the cross is not so much in his death, but the fact that he buried the sin he became and rose in victory over death and sin.  He went into the ground with our sins, and rose as the one true, living, son of the Most High God! 

You are the recipient of that most incredible gift!  You are forgiven!  You are free!  

Your spouse and your children are too.  Husbands, your wife is royalty, a daughter of the King.  Wives, your husband is of the same "bloodline" of Jesus Christ, a prince and an heir.  PARENTS! Your children are going to have the opportunity someday to become sons and daughters of the King too, if they haven't already!

Beginning now, the words you have used to tear down your spouse and children are to be put to death. They are to be replaced with words of life: LOVE, ADORATION, HONOR, RESPECT, PATIENCE, PEACE.

Want to be a good husband? Wife? Parent? Allow the truth found in God's Word to change your mind about your family every day. They deserve it.

"For if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  Old things have passed away.  Behold!  All things are becoming new!"

Father, thank you for saving my marriage and changing my mind about my wife and children.  You have begun something so incredible in my marriage and in my parenting!  Thank you for allowing me to love Margo.  Thank you for allowing me to fall in love with my children!  I am grateful that you are not finished, and even more grateful for your faith in me to become a godly husband and father.  Amen.

Next up: Lessons in Community: Five Valuable Lessons

The Story - Part Eight

This journey is going to take a turn.  While there is definitely going to be focus still on marriage, I am also going to add an element of "community" to the conversation, as well as parenting.  When you think about it, they all still go hand in hand.  So read on, think deeply, be changed.

I had left off at explaining the dangers of work toward a marriage...especially ministry.  For many reasons, I am glad that I didn't write this post several weeks ago.  God has taught me some absolutely mind-blowing things about this subject and about myself.

Allow me to reiterate something from Part Seven...

• The main reason you are drawn to the rewards of your work is because you are too lazy to work for the rewards of your marriage.

Go back.  Read that again.  Let it sink in and then continue.

Your job most likely contains very clear systems.  

• You know what is expected of you.  
• You know what you are NOT supposed to do.  
• You know what gets you noticed (for better or worse).  
• You know what gets you fired.  
• You know what gets you promoted...if you're lucky!  
• You know what time to be there.  
• You know how long you are expected to work. 

Your job is full of clarity.  Your marriage, at first look, is not.  It's a world of ambiguitities and conditionals.  Like a recent popular book states it, "Men are Like Waffles - Women are Like Spaghetti".  So how does God expect for men and women to successfully navigate through the mess of ambiguity and emotion and somehow muster up the courage to seek the rewards of a God-honoring marriage?  

Most bloggers, at this point, would use this kind of question to leverage at least two or three days worth of posts.  I don't have time for that.  There are too many other things to talk about.  Besides, there is ONE THING that will take your average marriage that is seemingly void of reward and turn it into something of wonder and beauty. 

Ready?

Surrender.

Don't lose yourself in what I am not saying.  I am not saying "submit woman!".  I am not saying "be a coward!".  But I AM saying surrender your life fully to Christ.  I can almost hear your disagreements now.  Allow me to pierce to the truth of the matter... if you're disagreeing, it's because you've never done it.  Your issue, men especially, is you... 

• don't love your wife as Christ loves you.  
• don't listen to your wife as Christ endures your often selfish prayers.  
• don't lead your wife as Christ leads His Church, with gentleness, patience, passion, power, and grace.  

Why am I not talking about the ladies?  I will, or maybe Margo will.  But for now, I am going to remain focused on men reclaiming who they are in Christ, and giving their lives over to Him.  It is only then you even stand the chance to become the husband you are created to be.  And it is only then you even stand a chance to find your marriage to be the most rewarding aspect of your life.

For starters, try getting before God and just giving YOURSELF over to Him.  Allow God to change YOU, and see if your spouse doesn't seem to respond more rewardingly to the NEW YOU.  Jesus, when talking to Peter along the shore, didn't endure Peter's questions about the other disciple.  He simply told Peter to worry about himself.  I think that's a good place for you to start as well.

More tomorrow.